


Hold On

by wandering_gypsy_feet



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, My trash son, merle pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28826046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandering_gypsy_feet/pseuds/wandering_gypsy_feet
Summary: Merle listens to Beth Greene sing an old Tom Waits song in the prison and watches as Daryl Dixon listens to her too.He's not going to let her hurt his baby brother.(merle POV for the 3.10 ending scene)
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene
Comments: 34
Kudos: 79





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE FALLEN SO DEEP INTO A MERLE HOLE
> 
> i thought it would be interesting to look at this bethyl moment from merle's pov and get a peak into what he's thinking here with both beth and daryl, and the rest of the crew. i think this scene is one of the most beautiful in all of the series and emily's rendition of this song is lovely.

He hates this place. He hates being here with Rick Grimes, the asshole who handcuffed him to a goddamn pipe on a goddamn roof. And Michonne, the bitch with a fucking katana. And the two little lovebirds who both want him dead, and that damn creepy kid who carries a gun on his hip like it's nothing, and that baby that cries and reminds him of when Daryl was that size. Even the old man with knowing eyes and the young girl with golden hair and cold blue eyes, and Carol, all grown up and unafraid now; he hates them.

  
  
He hates them all. He hates this place.

  
  
He hates most that Daryl fits in here. Doesn't need him here. Has a family he found all on his own, that he's became worthy of all on his own, that Merle can never be a part of like Daryl is. He's too far gone. Too fucked up. The things he's done, the person he's become. They can't ever be welcoming of that, of him. Maybe there was once a time that he could be drawn back from who he really is under it all, but not anymore. 

And Daryl's always been the sweet one. 

Merle is staying in the common area. He's not locked in here anymore; the door is swung open for him, but he doesn't join the others around the soft glow of the candles. He doesn't want to be around them. Doesn't want to see the fear and hatred on their faces. Doesn't want to be reminded of all the times he'd thought he'd been worthy of being around people like that, only for their lips to curl and their noses to wrinkle at having a redneck piece of trash in their midst. 

Nah. Better he remembers his place. 

_"They hung a sign up in our town. "If you live it up, you won't live it down". So she left Monte Rio, son, just like a bullet leaves a gun. With her charcoal eyes and Monroe hips, she went and took that California trip..."_

Merle stops dead from where he's been pacing while grumbling and trying to think of a way to get him and Daryl out of this without everything going to hell. That's the voice of an angel drifting through the darkness to him. Every hair on his body raises; the way the noise echoes off the stone walls reminds him of a cathedral. High, clear, pure. He's never heard anything like it. He follows the sound, almost in a trance, to its origin. 

_"Oh, the moon was gold, her hair like wind. Said, "don't look back, just come on, Jim". Oh, you got to hold on, hold on... You gotta hold on. Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on..."_

He pauses in the doorway, trying to comprehend what he's hearing and seeing. The young blonde girl is the one singing, sitting close to the light of the candles and lanterns. She has no instrument to accompany her, simply tapping time with a closed fist on her thigh and he thinks huh. A girl like her knows old Tom Waits songs? 

She's got the prettiest voice he's ever heard. Of course she does, to match everything about her. He knows her type; beloved baby of a big family, with a daddy who adores her and a sister who loves her. Everyone probably protects her, falling over themselves to keep her safe. Merle knows she's a fighter in her own right though; he still recalls the bullet in the ceiling when he'd been fighting. Something in her eyes had made him think she wouldn't hesitate for a second to aim it at him. 

She's a soft girl. A pretty girl. The kind who probably had ribbons in her hair and never a lick of dust on her. Loved. Cared for. The kind of girl a man would make an idiot of himself for when she went through a wild phase, when she'd think that she wanted a man like him, and he'd start to get ideas of being her forever. Then she'd get bored or scared or would just plain wise up and go right back to her pretty life and her loving family, because she's not the kind to settle for trailer trash. 

Merle knows this. 

_"Well, he gave her a dimestore watch and a ring made from a spoon. Everyone's looking for someone to blame; when you share my bed, you share my name..."_

Merle might know this, but Daryl doesn't. 

He watches his little brother watch Beth sing and feels a jolt of something in his chest. Dread, maybe. Fear, possibly. Or it could be pity, because he knows that look on Daryl's face. It's longing, plain and simple. He's not smart enough to cover it up, to hide it away. The shadows are long, but not long enough to darken Daryl's face or the hope that resides there, watching the pretty little farmer's daughter. 

Daryl's looking at Beth and she raises her head to look at him, lips turning up as she sings about beds and names and rings and Merle wants to march over there, punch his idiot brother across the face because no. No. Men like them don't get girls like her. Dixon's don't mix with the Greene's, and this little girl is only going to break Daryl's heart if she starts to give him ideas that anyone is gonna ever accept them together. Because even if she wants him, her family sure as hell won't. 

_"Well, go ahead and call the cops. You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops. She said, "baby, I still love you". Sometimes there's nothin' left to do. Oh, but you got to hold on, hold on. Babe, you gotta hold on and take my hand; I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on..."_

Daryl's talking now to Rick and Hershel, the second in command in Rick's little army and Merle's gut twists. Yeah, his little brother has got it made here. With a pretty little songbird who sings like she's sent from heaven and a few brothers in arms, stupid as they may be. And then there's Merle, standing on the side, not wanted anymore. Can’t be part of this, not this pretty song, not this family, not nothing.

_"Well, God bless your crooked little heart. St. Louis got the best of me. I miss your broken China voice. How I wish you were still here with me. Oh, you build it up, you wreck it down, then you burn your mansion to the ground. Oh, there's nothing left to keep you here, but when you're falling behind in this big blue world... Oh, you've got to hold on, hold on. Babe, you gotta hold on. Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on…"_

Beth is haloed by the light, lit up with warm tones. The radius of light doesn’t extend out to Merle and he remains where he is in the shadows, seeing the way Rick’s eyes flick to him. Merle knows what the man must be thinking, what he’s telling Daryl. Rick won’t ever trust him. Won’t ever think him worthy of a moment like this. Merle would be better slinking off into the silence where he belongs, but he can’t. He remains where he is, listening to the girl sing and letting himself dream, just for a second, that he is part of this. 

She’s a beautiful girl, with her big blue eyes and curly blonde hair. Young though, for Merle’s taste. Life has taught him that girls like her are trouble, that he’s better off sticking to ones with a few more miles on them. Beth Greene seems like the kind of girl who carries hope around with her like a damn talisman. She’s a being made of fire, of light and warmth, and when the darkness grabs for her, it’ll get burned. 

Daryl’ll get burned if he tries. 

_"Down by the Riverside motel, it's ten below and falling. By a ninety-nine cent store, she closed her eyes and started swaying, but it's so hard to dance that way when it's cold and there's no music. Oh, your old hometown's so far away, but inside your head there's a record that's playing... A song called "Hold On", hold on. Babe, you gotta hold on. Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on..."_

Merle thinks the world of his baby brother. Always has. Daryl never took to the Dixon way like Merle did. Once, Merle had fought his nature too. Had thought that he could avoid his father’s fists and his father’s reputation, thought that he could make something of himself. The teachers and the other kids at school had laughed and beat that out of him, reminded him where he came from. Everyone looked down at him, no matter how much Merle tried to dig himself out of that hole. 

So what was the point in trying to prove them wrong? Was it not better to live up to it?

But Daryl never stopped fighting it. Never embraced the drugs and drinking the way Merle did to numb himself to the reality that this was their reality. Never struck first if he didn’t need to; sat back, watched, let Merle lead but never one to leave him hanging. Daryl was the one with the hope, with the ideas, still holding to the notion that maybe one day they’d be worthy of something more than their lot as Dixon boys. 

It scares Merle to imagine that he’s been right all along and that it’s been Merle holding him back, stopping Daryl from turning into something better, something good. Add that to tally of failures he’s been dragging around. Knowing Will Dixon turned his belt on Daryl because Merle was a coward who fled, knowing that Daryl can be a good man when he’s not with him, knowing that he, Merle, is the cause of all the bad in Daryl’s life…

Yeah, it hurts. 

And no song, no matter how prettily it’s sung, is going to fix that. 

_"You gotta hold on, hold on, babe, you gotta hold on... And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on..."_

Beth trails off, looking around with a little smile. He wonders if she used to sing in her church choir. Singing Silent Night as a solo on Christmas Eve, singing Amazing Grace for funerals, singing some pretty hymn for weddings. If she performed in talent shows and at local coffee shops and alone in her room. She’s got such brightness about her, Merle knows she’s the kind who has never once felt the cruel sting of rejection. 

He thinks he hates her for being who she is, for what she’ll do to Daryl. 

Merle waits to retreat back to his solitude when the others start to drift to their cells, laying hands on Beth’s shoulders and muttering words of thanks or praise. Merle doesn’t say anything to her. Hell, she’d probably spit in his face if he tried. He watches though, waiting to see what Daryl is going to do, if he’ll approach her or keep his distance. 

Daryl better keep his distance. 

Beth is the one who rises first, as Carol starts to blow out candles. She walks over to her daddy, all smiles and ponytail swinging, stopping in front of him to say a few words. Daryl doesn’t move, doesn’t unfold his arms, but his eyes track Beth’s every moment like he would do some prey in the forest. And Merle knows there’s something there, the way Daryl tenses and Beth glances at him with her mouth pulled up into a smile and so Merle purses his lips. 

It’s one of their standard hunting calls. Means you’re too close, you’re gonna scare the damn thing away and ruin everything. Back off. Stay still. Don’t fucking move. That's not yours.

Daryl’s head snaps over to him and Merle simply raises an eyebrow as Daryl scowls at him. 

Daryl might not like it. But Merle won’t let any of these assholes hurt his brother, not even the girl who sings like a heavenly host and is too good for any redneck’s dirty, rough and broken hands. 

No. Merle especially won’t let Beth Greene hurt his baby brother, cause he’s got the notion that she’d be the kind of hurt that Daryl might never come back from. And no matter what they do, Dixon boys don’t get girls like her. 

**Author's Note:**

> plz leave me feedback, i feel like merle's such an interesting character to explore and i enjoy looking at beth and daryl through his eyes and all the trauma of the dixon boys
> 
> i just love them so much


End file.
